You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.
I work with some of the best wedding professionals in the world and most are more than willing to bend over backwards to ensure your day is all you dreamed. However, there comes time when even they lose patience. By holding strictly to the letter of the contract, a wedding professional can step back and let you suffer the consequences.
Such was the case recently. This bride was doing anything and everything to cut cost, understandably. The problem was the way she was going about it. Rather than working with her vendors to find alternatives and solutions, she brow beat and demanded. At one point she actually said, “I know I have pissed off every one of my vendors.” By the end of the day, even her sister wasn’t speaking to her.
Take for instance the florist. She had been so nickel and dimed, browbeat and berated by this bride that there was no way she would do anything extra for this woman. When the bride realized that she had neglected to have the friend that was making the bouquet put together anything for the mothers the bride told her sister to go get any leftover flowers and make something. Now anytime a florist is doing anything on site there are always extra flowers hanging around. Guess what? Awww all the left over roses had been beheaded and put on the cake table. Sorry. But the cake table looked great.
Florists charge for candles and for rentals. This bride didn’t want to pay for either so she borrowed candelabrum from a friend and bought her own candles. The bad news is that the first time the florist got to see the candelabrum was on site at the event. Great. The flowers barely fit and the candles not at all. If we had used the candles provided the whole thing would have gone up in flames. Did we or the hotel have taller candles or another option available? Of course we did. Did we tell her? Nope. The hotel (which had been pushed around enough that the head of sales came into handle the event personally) simple said Sorry, no open flames. Do without.
There were just a million and one little things that went on like this throughout the entire day. No one did anything wrong or unethical; all they did was hold the bride to the letter of the contract. I don’t know how to convince you that you will get more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Thanks to Foxy Wedding for the heads up on this video.
You are so right about this one. Unfortunately today so many brides’ sense of entitlement is HIGHLY overated.
Wow, it’s painful to think how much happier that bride (and her vendors and family) could’ve been if she’d used her Brideability. You know, her superpowers. With the right attitude and a bit of thoughtfulness and gratitude, she might have seem an abundance of help and generosity coming her way, instead of cold shoulders. When a bride says ‘It’s my day’ I like to respond, Yep, your day to make everyone feel as lucky and happy as you are.
This is an excellent article.
I am always aware of this very negative spirit, and steer the bride to vendors that fit her budget. Or, as suggested in the article to enlist the help of the vendor in making the project more affordable. Of course, timing is so important in this situation. If you make an accurate budget and work on an order that fits the budget is kinder to your vendors than a panic attack at the end.
It is up to us as consultants to educate the bride early on how important it is to realistically evaluate what you can afford and what you cannot.
I love the previous post mentioning “superpowers.” How true.
Thank you for writing this excellent article.