Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?

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I read an interesting thread on one of my favorite blogs, Off Beat Bride, about how to keep control of your wedding if the parent’s are paying for it. The topic got me thinking about whose wedding it really is.

I know, I know; it’s yours. You have dreamed of it for years, that magical moment when your own personal Prince Charming meets you at the end of the most important Red-Carpet event of your life. It’s about romance and wonder and committing your life to another. Let me see if I can give you another perspective.

When my sister was in the throws of marrying off her too oldest daughters within months of each other she was a basket case and so were my nieces. She asked me one day how I had managed to pull off not one but two weddings with our mother, a noted diva with more than a few control issues, without fighting once. My answer at the time was simple,”Because I knew whose wedding it was.”

The first wedding was your standard country club affair complete with all of Mother’s friends on the guest list and her checkbook to finance it. I knew the minute she opened her wallet whose wedding it was and I went with that. This wasn’t about me or my groom; it was about my mom’s last send off to a daughter that she had raised. I think that as far as some parent’s view it, it is for them the “Big Reveal” kind of the attitude of “there, I did it and didn’t I do well.” I am not saying I agree with that attitude, I’m just saying what is.

The way I handled it was too let her know what aspects were very important to me and let her have free reign on the rest. Was it the wedding of dreams? Not mine maybe, but without a doubt hers. What was great about it from my point of view was that rather than dealing with every detail; we had a beautiful party thrown in our honor. It made us able to enjoy the sentiment and meaning of the day in a way I never could have if it I had been fretting over every detail. Not everyone’s cup of tea but this time it worked for me.

My second, much lower keyed affair was totally mine; in a park, in a sundress with less than 30 people. It suited us perfectly as a couple. In this instance, Mom knew whose wedding it was. She was the guest and I was the hostess. We did have one tiny spat about my choice of shoes. Many, many years later she picked up the phone to call and tell me that I had made the right choice to wear flats. That is a phone call I will always remember.

My point in all this is to really figure out what this wedding represents to both you and your mom. You may be surprised at how different your points of views are. Knowing the answer to this can tell you what direction to take; and honoring that may save you years of buried resentment.

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A Moment with Tara Guerard

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As promised I sat down for a chat with Tara Guerard yesterday. Author of the beautiful book Southern Weddings and CEO/ mastermind of Soiree, Inc, she is a planner, designer and consultant specializing in extraordinary events.

The main purpose of my interview was for an article for my website, Think Like A Bride. Still, I couldn’t have this talented of a mind to pick and not get at least a bit for my dear brides.

Since I know this is something brides struggle with as they plan their wedding I asked Tara about establishing a theme for your events. In Tara’s words

“A theme is what brings cohesion to an event. The more of a recurring theme; the more of a statement is made.”

I asked Tara how she found the ideas for these cohesive threads that would tie her events into the beautiful packages that they are. Tara quite simply works to uncover her clients personality; their identity. Taking her cues from the tangible bits they have given her she then

“Clearly states their identity with visual images”

Sometimes you have to find a jumping off point. One bride she spoke of told her little else than that she liked all different colors and couldn’t decide on colors for her wedding and the flowers she liked best were Gerber daisies. Tara went on to build a entire look around gerbers in an array of beautiful colors, even using the image of a gerber daisy on the paper wardrobe. The bride was surrounded by bright colorful things that she loved. Perfect.

The other point Tara emphasized is that by carrying the same cohesive theme from save the dates through to the reception you were giving your guest a clear image of what to expect at the event. One of the hallmarks of a true hostess is thinking first and foremost about your guests comfort. By letting them know with visual cues the feel of your event in advance they will be all the more comfortable at the event. For instance, if you send out very formal invitations to your wedding your guests are likely to take that as a cue that you are planning a formal event. What a shame when they show up terribly over dressed to find a casual outdoor affair!

It is about cohesion. It is about that single ribbon that ties it all together. It is about finding a visual way to express your unique identity. Really, it does make it all so much easier.

Pick up a copy of Tara’s book to see just what a difference it can make.

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Do You Need Wedding Insurance?

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That’s a good question.

It’s never a bad idea to protect your investments but bad things happening at or to your wedding isn’t something we really want to think about. The reality is that you are putting together a rather complex event; the more complex the more chances that something could go wrong.

By go wrong I mean it could be anything from the best man losing the rings to a sudden illness. Just last week I saw a news story featuring a couple whose house and wedding venue had been destroyed in the tornados that ravaged parts of Tennessee. As they interviewed this poor thing amid the rubble that had been the couple’s home she told the reporter that her one wish was to find her wedding gown so she didn’t have to try and replace the one she loved so much. My heart just broke for them. I feel certain that they had their house insured but what about their wedding?

It really doesn’t matter what you are spending on your wedding, to you it is a large investment. The policies that I have checked out are not terribly expensive for the peace of mind they buy.

Something else you may need to know is that more and more wedding venues are requiring couples to carry liability insurance on their event. Hey we live in some pretty litigious times; they have to protect themselves too. You will get a better rate if you bundle that with your core wedding insurance.

Speaking of bundling; check with your regular insurance carrier to see if they have a policy to meet your needs. I know that Travelers Insurance offers it. If you already have coverage on your home or car from them I think this would bundle with that for a better rate.

If you are planning a destination wedding, don’t even think about passing on the insurance. The policy I looked at even covered transportation shutdowns; you know like canceled flights due to a blizzard or hurricane.

It is something you should think about.

Photo by Michael Hodge

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DIY Invitations

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If you are a regular reader of the Dish then you already know my philosophy on DIY projects for your wedding. I think they are a great idea as long as you do them in moderation. DIY is a great way to add a very personal touch to a very personal event. Where the trouble starts is when brides bite off more than they can chew and end up more stressed than necessary or they go bridezilla and turn everyone around them into indentured servants. So the key is to pick one project you love and give it your full attention and leave the rest to the pros.

Today’s project is invitations. Here is the breakdown of the national averages spent on the paper wardrobe according to TheWeddingReport.com.

  • Bridal shower invitations: $138
  • Wedding invitations and response cards: $455
  • Personal stationery: $187
  • Save the Date cards: $196
  • Thank-you notes: $127

That is a sweet little chunk of change and because it can all be done well in advance of the big day, unlike flowers or food, it makes it a perfect place to put your DIY skills. That is if you have any graphic skills, or at least it used to require that.

To the rescue comes PashWeddings.com and their free dowloadable wedding templates.

How cool is that? There are already several available and PashWeddings.com plans to add more designs on a regular basis. In addition to the basic invitation each design suite includes the following elements:
Save the Date Card
Wedding Invitation
Wedding Party Card
Reception Card
Response Card
Program Cover
Placecards/Escort Cards
Table Card
Menu

The templates are all ready to edit and print on your home computer. How easy is that?

Now take all that cash you saved and put it towards something that is a lot harder to DIY, like say flowers.

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Virtual Wedding Planner Tool

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By and large I am not a fan of big box stores; I much prefer the hands on customer service at a local salon. Having said that, one of them has done something right.

David’s Bridal has launched a virtual wedding planning tool that I can see as the cause of countless hours spent online. Dress Your Wedding allows you to play around with all the many different aspects of the look of your wedding. You can customize the coloring and physical features of the bride and groom and all the members of the wedding party. Add a bridesmaid, delete a groomsman, shrink one to a ring bearer. Mad at the groom, insert his best friend, is after all a virtual world. What fun.

That is just the beginning of the fun. As you would expect you can play dress up to your hearts content (as long as you want something from David’s). Like the style of the dress but not the color? Change it.

Keep going and you can just move your wedding if you don’t like the location. They offer a variety of different ‘location’ backgrounds from which to choose. Of course you can also manipulate a variety of little things like flower color and such.

I wouldn’t say that this is the planning tool to end all others I’m just saying it is a heck of a lot of fun and even if you aren’t planning on shopping at David’s you can still play with their toys. Hehe

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How to Alienate Your Vendors in Five Easy Steps

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  1. Only communicate with them through a third party: ie your mother. This ensures that the vendor is never really quite sure if she is doing what the bride actually wants or just what she has been told she wants,
  2. Tell one vendor that your planner is ‘really’ uncomfortable working with them in hopes of cutting a better deal behind your planners back. I bet it didn’t occur to you that they had been working together for years before you showed and would be for years after you have gone.
  3. Pop in unannounced on your cake designer in the middle of a Saturday, even though you have been told that your designer would be happy to schedule a tasting for you any day BUT Saturday. I am sure the brides expecting their wedding cake that day won’t mind if it’s late so the designer can take the time to meet with you and produce a tasting platter out of thin air. Wait, even better maybe you were hoping she could just cut up a couple of those wedding cakes so you could taste the real thing.
  4. Spend four hours with a consultant and your planner going over every possible combination of linen, china and chair only to call up the next day and tell them you are going to use the standard hotel linen and china. I am sure your planner had nothing better to do than load half of the rental company’s showroom into her car and drag it to the hotel so you could see what it looks like in the ballroom.
  5. Ignore the fact that the reason you make your final payment a week before the event is because there won’t be any changes past that point. I’m sure the catering staff won’t mind changing the menu the night before your event and why would they have a problem getting something from the wholesaler on the Saturday night of a three day weekend? I mean come on, grocery stores are open.


Can you tell I just got the rundown on the wedding from hell from a planner friend of mine? Considering the above he/she has asked to remain anonymous. I don’t blame him/her a bit.

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What Not To Do

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~sigh~ every now and then I wonder what planet some brides really live on.

I met my friend Courtney for lunch last week. Courtney has lovely shoulder length blond hair, or I should say did have. What she had on Friday were four hours worth of hair extensions. When I asked her about it she laughed and then almost cried at the general absurdity of the situation.

Courtney is in a wedding in 2 weeks and the bride has insisted that her bridesmaids have hair extensions put in so that they can all have the same updo! Excuse me, that’s excessive. My question was why so early? “So we have time to learn how to take care of them before the wedding” was Courtney’s dead panned response.

OK, come on. Can we all not clearly see the insanity in this? Is this bride even cognizant of what she is doing at this point? The bridesmaids were also required to have their gowns at the MoB’s house in Michigan 3 weeks before the wedding so that mom could make sure that the bustles were all identical and the bride could be reassured that they were there on the wedding day. Wonder if identical panties are required. They were allowed to choose their own shoes…as long as they were black strappy sandals with 3’’ heel. Hmmmmmm.

At what point do you just have to say enough is enough? Is it a wedding or a Busby Berkeley musical?

To add further insanity to the madness; Courtney is a first class wedding and event planner. She has worked all over the world for a client list that reads like a who’s who.

Her offer of coordinating the wedding as her gift was turned down.

Courtney has promised a full review upon her return, assuming she survives.

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Wedding Photography Contest

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Score! If you like looking at beautiful wedding photography then I have found the mother load

I stumbled across the Wedding Photography Directory site through an announcement of their WPD 2007 Summer Creative Wedding Photography Contest. Out of over 1500 entries they have narrowed it down to the top 100 images and are asking you to vote on the winner. How better to decide than to get the opinion of the ultimate consumer instead of just a bunch of other photographers.

In addition to the contest, WPD has some well written articles on everything you want to know as you do you homework on the how, when, whats and whys of wedding photography. Unlike some of the large portal sites with four or five generic articles on the topic this site is jam packed with valuable, up to date information.

If like me you like to graze through the beautiful shots you can find a listing of their member’s blogs. Be warned, you could get lost on this site for hours and hours.

Disclaimer: I don’t know any of the photographers that they list in their directory you still have to do your own fact checking; but its still a fun graze.

Image by Alison Williams, Alison Rose Photography

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