Last Sunday I had the pleasure of helping my friend Alice orchestrate a beautiful wedding for 350 people. The ceremony was at dusk in a very old boxwood garden in that perfect climate of a soft fall evening. The bride was a vision in a lace gown from Monique Lhuillier The guests dined on quail under a tent made festive with the colors of fall: dark coral roses, linens of copper and gold, bronze candelabrum held hundreds of candles that lit up the space. Later the happy couple and their guests danced the night away in a lounge setting created just for the event, the low sofas were decked out in lush silk pillows plumped to perfection and the air was rich with the scents of fall. Ahh, what a lovely, flawless evening it was.

And now for the rest of the story…did things go wrong? Of course, this is after all real life not Hollywood. Did they matter, not a bit, they weren’t even noticed and here is why. First of all there was a planner. A planners job is to smooth out any rough spots. The caterer was running behind schedule and with 350 guests and four buffet lines it could have been a nightmare, but it wasn’t. The cake cutting was stretched a bit and the line of communication was working well. Rather then the planned unnoticeable flow from cake cutting to dinner the five minute or so wait allowed the anticipation to build slightly and when the doors leading to the tent were opened to was a grand ceremony met with ohhs and ahhs. What could have easily become a bottleneck of all 350 guests at the closest buffet line was averted by well placed staff directing the first guests to the farthest buffet. Everyone was served with speed and efficiency because the planner and catering staff worked together on the issue of crowd management. A minor snafu translated into perfection from the guests’ point of view. This is why you hire professionals.

The second reason that this particular wedding was so amazingly stress free and wonderful was because of the bride. You see, she is a wedding photographer. Having documented the good, the bad and the ugly she knows weddings inside and out. She knows what can happen and what can’t. Unlike a bride with no background in the business this young lady knew that being a bridezilla wasn’t going to get her anywhere. If, as happened, the flower girl refused to wear her hydrangea wreath upon her head that it didn’t really matter. It also didn’t matter that the ribbon roping off the aisle was not the right ribbon. This my friends is the difference: I have worked with brides that are so stressed and such hard core micromanagers that either of these things would have sent them into an ear blistering tirade or a fit of tears; thus in fact ruining the day. For this bride, the fact that at the end of the day she would be married to the man she loved was all that mattered. She understood that the rest is only window dressing.

It doesn’t matter if your wedding is for ten people in your parents backyard of 350 at a mansion, the right attitude and a bit of a this can be ok if we let it outlook will make all the difference in the world. Happy planning.

I got a message in my inbox this morning titled “7 Ways to Save On Your Catering”. Great, everybody would like to save on the largest part of their wedding expense. The problem is the email came from someone that has no idea what she is talking about.

Let me clue you in on some of the problems with the plan.

Always insist on a tasting.

As a consumer I can understand this point of view, but here is the reality from inside. Caterers buy everything in bulk from wholesale suppliers, they have worked hard to find the best product at the very best price. That works to give you a good price on the food for your event. The problem with doing tastings is that to get just a small quanity of the raw materials needed to prepare a tasting they will be paying top dollar to get the same quality. In some instances, the raw materials aren’t even available on the retail market, which leads us to the other option, buying from their wholesaler.

Let’s just use fresh strawberries for an example. The strawberries I can get at even the best markets can’t hold a candle to the ones I can get from the wholesaler and the ones at the market are triple the price. The problem is that for your tasting I need six strawberries. What do you suggest I do with the other 200 in the flat from the wholesaler??

Prime Rib is another great example. I cannot purchase or cook only two slices of prime rib for your tasting. I can either pass the cost of the rest of the prime rib on to you or write it off as a loss. Neither is a real option.

It isn’t that caterers don’t want to show off their cooking, it just isn’t financially feasible. Some caterers I know are starting to go to monthly group tastings. You can ask about this.

Ask For A Complete Breakdown Of Costs

This might sound like a good idea, but it is more of a headache in the end. I have seen brides want to see a cost breakdown down to the butter pats on the table. Now if caterer B’s butter is cheaper than caterer C’s butter are you really going to get you butter from B instead of C? I didn’t think so. From a caterer point of view when they are doing a bid, it goes something like this. Bread service, $x per person. If butter is high that week they spend a little less on bread. If the price of butter is down, the bread may be a little better. The price on fresh foods fluctuates pretty wildly at times.

In order to do an accurate comparison ask for a per person price and a complete list of everything that is included. Then you can match the list and the price. Easy.

Rental Kickbacks.

Some rental companies do offer discounts to the caterers and planners that use them regularly. And here is why. They know what they are doing. Not that you don’t, but they do it every week, know the products and have a good working relationship with the rental company. A rental company may spend two to three hours with you going over different options on chairs or china. A pro picks up the phone, already knows what they need and the deal is done in 15 minutes. That’s the difference. That small percentage is compensation for the knowledge the pro has. Whether or not a caterer passes that on to you is up to them. If you insist they do, chances are good the price of something else will go up to compensate for the loss in income.

Get a bid for the entire project and compare from there. The nickel or dime you save by pouring over page after page of quotes just isn’t worth it.

This is a little off topic but I just had to rave. A little known fact about me is that I am a sucker for fine arts photography. This may be due to the fact that I couldn’t take a good picture if my life depended on it or just that I have so many talented photographer friends. Either way I am fortunate to have some beautiful pieces decorating my walls.

One of my long time friends, photographer Martin O’Connor was at yesterday’s show with a new fine arts portfolio as part of his booth. WOW, all I can say is WOW. Martin’s passion is dancers and in addition to his wonderful work recording the weddings of the beautiful people of the mid south he has hooked in with several ballet companies. He recently finished a new series of dancers swathed in a sheer spandex type fabric. The shots he got completely blew me away. Junkie that I am I ordered 3 new prints. Check out his fine arts portfolio on his website. Scroll down a bit to find the “Pas de duex” print. Yes, those are dancers. In fact one is a good friend of mine, Judy Coyle.

Another photographer I love is David Wright. One of his fine art prints “Sensual” just won a slew of awards including the Fuji Masterpiece Award and Best of show. Of course I ordered a print of that too. I just have to give kudos to David for his blog. It one of the best artist’s blog I have run across. If you want to get inside the head of a true creative talent you should read his words.

When you are interviewing photographers to capture your wedding take a look at their fine art work. It will show you their passion and you just might end up with some pretty cool art for your new home.

And a note to my photographer friends: I said I’m a sucker so post a link to your fine art page in the comments box. I would love to take a look.

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I had the pleasure of helping my dear friends Tony and Gipsy Williams host their annual fall bridal show Enchanted Brides yesterday. What fun! It is wonderful to reconnect with all my friends in the industry and to get a chance to talk to the brides.

I am always amazed when I talk to brides and find out what they don’t know. We in the industry take so much of our knowledge for granted that it never occurs to us to share it. NOT ME. So here is my tidbit for today.

I was talking to two lovely sisters that where both getting married and I asked them what gowns they had chosen. One sister said she was having a hard time finding a satin ball gown that wasn’t covered in beadwork. So I asked her why she didn’t just order on she likes the cut and fabric of without the beadwork. “You can do that?” she was blown away by this bit of news. Well ladies here is the lowdown.

When you order a wedding gown it isn’t cut until the order is placed. Unlike ready to wear your gown isn’t just sitting in a warehouse waiting to be shipped, it is still on a bolt of fabric. If you are ordering your gown from a bridal salon (as opposed to a big box store or the internet) you can customize just about every aspect of your gown. Want sleeves, of course. Sweetheart instead of scoop neck, we can do that! To much beading for your taste? Order it with less. I even talked to a salon owner that had a bride love the top of one gown and the skirt of another. Both gowns were from the same designers collection and last I heard the salon owner was in negotiations with the manufacturer to get it done. You can do that. Every line is a bit different and these changes will cost you, but to get the perfect gown instead of settling for a close second it is well worth it.

The key to getting what you want is to find a good salon that knows their lines and is there to help you. I’m not just talking about the really high-end couture lines either. This policy holds true for the more moderately priced lines as well. Lines like Mon Cheri and Allure . Again, each line is different and the salon owner will be able to steer you to a line that does a great job at custom orders. The other key is to openly communicate with the salon consultant. Don’t just say “I don’t like this gown,” tell them why. If you talk to the consultant you will find that they are a wealth of information. And if they aren’t, find another salon. If they are not aware of possible changes to a gown they haven’t been paying attention. When they view a line at market the designer always emphasizes the possible changes available to each gown. You need to ask.

I will also tell you that you are not going to get this at a big box vendor or on the Internet. This kind of service takes a trained professional.

As you all know I have been assisting a variety of different wedding vendors lately as a way of learning as much about all the many aspects of weddings as possible. Every time I do I come up with something to either rant or rave about. This week is no different. Today I have a nit to pick with bustles!

A bustle is the way the train of a bridal gown is gathered and hooked to make it easier for a bride to dance and just navigate at her reception. Any bridal gown with a train deserves a beautiful bustle. Of course they don’t come that way you have to have your seamstress put it in. The reason for that is because there are as many different styles of bustle as there are brides. Each bride is different, each gown is different and each seamstress is different. A bustle needs to fall in a way that shows off any detail work that the gown has. You also don’t want it to be arranged in such a way that it doesn’t makes your butt look enormous. Oh joy!!

A well-constructed bustle has to hold the train securely enough to withstand your movements during the length of the reception and even the minor incident of being stepped on. The other side of the coin is it must be completely invisible when the train is down. To achieve this many bustles use the tiniest of hooks in the same color as the gown and tiny crocheted thread loops less than ¾ “ long, again in the same color as the dress. The trick is to find these bustle points when it is time to arrange your gown for the reception.

Over the last few weeks I have encountered a variety of bustle mechanics. Some had hooks and loops, some had tiny buttons and loops and some had ribbon ties. Since I am not the main consultant only an assistant I had not seen the gowns until the wedding. Yet there I am in a mad dash to figure out and arrange a bustle with no idea of the how or where it is constructed.

I have said it before and I will say it again, take a responsible person with you to your final fitting to see how to do your bustle. Last week all the bride could tell me was that there were three points, one at the waist and two near the bottom and it fell in a triangle when hooked. Great…It took several minutes and two attempts to figure that one out.

So I went out looking for more information to help solve this dilemma. First I found a fairly good site showing bustle construction, which will help you decide how you would like yours to be made. Also this one does a great job of explaining bustle options. The other thing I did was asked for advice from my buddies in the salons. The single best idea I found was the seamstress who puts tiny gold safety pins on the inside of the gown at the bustle points. Lift up the train and you can immediately find the points. Beyond that ask your seamstress for a simple diagram of your bustle and give it to the person that will be responsible for hooking yours up. That will save everyone headaches on the big day.

One of my faithful readers wrote to ask where to start. She has eight months to plan her wedding and there is TOO MUCH information out there.
SO I dug this out of my archives for her. It was originally published in the Nashville Scene last year.
Enjoy.

Where Do I Start?

Byline: Christine Boulton

Your engaged. If you are like most people, you are completely overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with joy, of course, because you are marrying the man of your dreams.

But also, that deer in the headlights overwhelmed by all you have to do. Where do you even begin to plan something this big?

To borrow a line from a TV commercial, you need to start with a ‘quiet conversation’. Sit down as a couple and talk about what the wedding means to you. Do you see it as a solemn ceremony with great meaning in all the traditions, an excuse to party until dawn, an intimate destination affair or a family reunion? Do you see it as large or small, formal or laid back, rustic or chic? To save your sanity-have this conversation before you do anything else. That way your vision won’t be nearly as clouded by all the possibilities available for today’s bride. And remember to write it down. If your wedding plans start to run away the a mind of their own, refer back to your original ‘mission statement’ to reign them back in. That mission statement can also come in handy when friends and relatives give just a little too much input. “Sorry Aunt Sally, but that doesn’t mesh with our plan”.

The next step is to decide on some numbers. You need to consider both your budget and the size of your guest list. I mention them both in one sentence because they are so closely related. The fewer guests you have, the farther your budget will go. This early, it is not necessary to have anything more then a rudimentary idea of your guest list, but you need something to work with. Likewise, you only need a rough idea of your budget. The hard number crunching will come soon enough!

Now that you have some idea of where this whole wedding thing is going, you can start making decisions. First pick a season, then narrow it down to a 2 or 3-week period. You want to be a little flexible here, especially if you’re planning period is short. The best and most interesting venues book up as much as a year in advance. That flexibility might be the difference between the site of your dreams and a poor second. Armed with a basic idea of your wedding style, your date, the size of your guest list and your budget, it’s time to start shopping! Use local magazine (like this one), personal referrals and the Internet to come up with a broad list of sites you might like. Don’t just look at the obvious spots like country clubs and hotels. There are amazing sites to find if you look off the beaten path. You might consider museums and art galleries. Even some office buildings have beautiful public spaces that are available for parties on the weekend. Once you have a list of available options do site visits and look at how each site works in terms of contracts, who can cater, and price. Does the space fit your vision? Look over the contract carefully before you sign on the dotted line.

Now that your wedding has a home, it’s time to really have fun with all those pictures you have been collecting. Come on, you know you have. Sort through them and see what fits with the location and the vision and toss what doesn’t. At this point using a binder with clear sheet protector and an index is a handy way to get organized. If you do all your organizing on your computer, be sure and print hard copies of vital lists, like the vendor contacts and guest list. Better safe then sorry.

A lot of today’s brides are so busy with school and a career that hiring a wedding planner is the way to go. If you think you may end up hiring a professional planner, the earlier in the process you do it, the better. A good planner hired early on can save you both time and money. If however you wait until late in the process, their input, and therefore help will be limited.

There are still a lot of details left to sort out as you move forward in your planning. But you now have a good solid foundation on which to plan. Have fun with it; this should be a fabulous time in your life, not a sentence to a work camp. And remember, there are cake and a honeymoon at the end.

End

Additional info.

Getting Organized

3 ring binder

Get a heavy duty one with at least a 2”spine.

Heavy-duty sheet protectors

Box of 50

Tabbed index.

2 packs of sturdy grade plastic.

This is an easy and inexpensive way to get organized.

I recommend using heavy-duty materials because this little book is going to get a lot of abuse over the course of your planning.

Make an index page for every category of product or service you will be using. You can get an idea of what you will need to put on the index tabs on most any wedding website. You will also want an archive section.

Use the sheet protectors to store all your notes, pictures, prices sheets, fabric swatches and contracts. Use a separate one for each vendor. For instance, use a separate one for each venue you visit. Once you have made a decision, move all but the one you picked to the archive section.

Now everything is quick to find in a custom tailored planner

You’ll need it for your storyboard. ;-o

The best way to truly nail your wedding style is to see it all in color and detail as you plan it. But how do I do that you ask? Storyboard it! You have spent months scanning magazines and the web, pulling out pictures and cutting and pasting to your bio, right? And where are they? Stuffed in a binder or scattered in a bunch of computer files? Now is the time to get them out and play with them.

Here is the plan. Make a collage like you did in school. In reality it is called a storyboard and is used by event planners, interior decorators and fashion designers world wide to gather and express their thoughts. I want you do it for your wedding.

Grab a poster board of a reasonable size (you need enough room to hold all your pictures and things but it should be small enough that you can take it with you on appointments.) Start by laying out photos of anything you have already bought: your gown, the reception location, and the bridesmaids dresses-whatever. Now before you glue these down take a look at them and see if they all go together, if not you need to decide if the differences are something you can work with or if you are willing to forfeit the money you have spent. (It’s a tough call and is a big reason why you should start this project early on in the planning) Once you have the basics glued down, step back and take an objective look at what you have, see if a theme is developing. Is there a common design or style thread emerging? Try to put it into words. (No you can’t just use colors. That comes later. See previous post!) Pick five to six really descriptive words that can be used as a touchstone for the rest of your planning. Write them boldly on you board. Got that? Great let’s move on.

Dump the contents of you binder and print out the images you have saved to your computer and start going through them. With each image hold it up to the board, does it fit? Is it of a similar style? You may love starfish or floral tablecloths but do they go with the urban loft you have rented for the reception? Seeing it in living color helps clear the vision. Group the things that work together on your board. As you purchase things for your wedding, add an image or fabric swatch to the board. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it represents its style.

Now you can head out to the local home improvement store and grab paint chips to represent your color palette. The reason I don’t want you to get hung up on color early on is because it will limit you. Suppose you find a bouquet you love in terms of style and shape and the flowers used but it isn’t in your colors, you will most likely pass it by. If on the other hand you can look at it objectively by holding it up to the board you can always make a note that you love this bouquet but in a different color. Remember when something goes on the board, you are looking at style, colors can always be changed.

At this point you have done enough work on you storyboard that it can start working for you. When you go on appointments to vendors such as florist or cake designers, take the board with you. Rather than having to try to explain your vision to the vendor and hope they get it you can just show them. How easy is that. It also helps make a decision when you are trying to decide between two different items. Hold them up to the board and see which fits better.

I hope this has helped you just a little. And as always, I am here to answer any questions you may have. Just leave me a comment.

Did you get that?

I helped design and create a booth at Sunday’s bridal show for the Pink Book on Wedding Style. I put together seven completely different concepts complete with tabletop design and storyboard. The goal was two-fold; to teach brides about storyboarding their wedding and to find out what the favorite style of the brides in attendance was.

In six hours of talking to brides I cannot tell you how many think that color equals style. I would ask a bride what her wedding style was and the answer would be “ Chocolate brown and blue” or “Pink.” Say what? I didn’t think I had asked them about their colors. The ones that said pink where the most fun to toy with, I had two displays where the dominant color was pink. When I pointed that out you could almost see their heads spin. As I went on to explain that any of the seven concepts could be done in pink they kind of started to get it.

The reason I bring this up is that at some point you are going to have to communicate your wedding style to your vendors in order to get what you envision. If you can’t show your florist or cake designer what is in your head better than just stating the colors you are going to be disappointed.

I’ve got some tricks and tools to help you get a grip on your wedding style coming up. But for today, I just want you to start thinking differently about it.